I Just Want a Pair of Men's Jeans Please

Somewhere along the way, men's jeans became quite a pain to buy. I stroll into any store selling men's jeans and am overwhelmed with choices. There are skinny jeans, relaxed fit jeans, regular fit jeans, low-rise jeans, baggy jeans, mid-rise,jeans, relaxed thigh, boot cut, straight leg, tapered leg, acid washed, stonewashed and dozens of other terms that complicate the purchase of a stinking pair of blue jeans. Who knew I would need a PhD in men's jeans nomenclature just to buy a pair of pants. In addition to the confusing pile of horse excrement I mentioned above there are a world of other styles and fits to confuse and amaze us as you can see in the list below:

• Ankle Jeans

• Bell-bottoms

• Boy cut

• Capris

• Carpenter Jeans

• Flares

• High waist cut

• Jorts (Jean shorts)

• Loose

• Hip-huggers

• Overalls

• Phat pants - not to be confused with Baggy jeans

• Sagging

• Shortalls

• Slim

• Straight

The more traditional favorites seem to be losing favor to the new up and coming brands. In a survey I saw concerning recent sales figures for men's jeans brands, Lee jeans ranked fourth, Levi's were number seven and Wrangler's came in at number nine.

My gosh, Levi's invented the blue jean. Nothing is more American than a pair of Levi's. How can their men's jeans be number seven in sales. I bet when Jacob Davis and Levi Strauss invented the blue jean way back in 1873, they had no idea their “waist overall” would turn into a baggy, oversized swatch of denim that the modern culture has to hold up with one hand at all times so they don't end up in a heap around their ankles. Speaking of jeans heaping around the ankles, the state legislature in Tennessee recently considered a statute outlawing low riding jeans that allow the wearer's underwear to show. If the new law had taken affect, the baggy, low-riding jean wearing offender would have been subject to a fine of $250. I don't much care to see some guy's boxers either, but with all the issues in the country today, I do have a concern with our lawmaker's becoming the fashion police.

Sorry, I got sidetracked there for a moment. Did you know that Levi's came to be when Jacob Davis recognized that the waist overalls worn by workers in the mining community were constantly wearing out at certain stress points. Davis began reinforcing the stress points of the waist overall with rivets. His process was working so well that he knew he wanted to patent this new idea but needed a business partner to get the idea off the ground.

Davis purchased his denim from Levi Strauss and thought maybe he would make the perfect partner. So he spoke with Strauss and suggested that the two men take out the patent together (sharing the costs, as well). Levi was enthusiastic about the idea and the patent was granted to both men on May 20, 1873. Thus, blue jeans, as we know them today, were born.

The term 'blue jeans' was popularized by baby boomers in the early 1960's. Neil Diamond even recorded a song glorifying the wearing of blue jeans called “Forever in Blue Jeans” (find it on you tube and insert the video). Many of you reading this were not born when this song was rising on the 45 rpm record charts, so I included a video if your curiosity is so intense that you must hear it . Heck, not only will many of you not remember this song, many of you reading this will not know who Neil Diamond is. If you don't, you could be holding up your baggy jeans with one hand while surfing the internet with the other. If you are interested in more on the history of blue jeans, click the link below.

So, having said all that, I suppose I should get to my point. Have men changed their basic shape? I know they say that people are getting heavier, but does that really mean we need dozens of different styles and fits of men's jeans. I guess I could understand a couple of different kinds. Maybe, one to wear to cut the grass and another to wear to a casual party. But really, besides the hip group of guys calling themselves 'Metrosexuals', most men are really not that fashion conscious about their jeans are they? I guess we will soon see a commercial about how nothing can come between men and their blue jeans.